There is evidence of written music from as far back as 3,400 years ago. With the 2nd oldest example, they were actually able to reconstruct what it would have sounded like when played on everyone’s favorite instrument, the lyre. Check out the Hurrian Hymn; it’s darkly melodious, and you imagine it going over well at any get together, as long as that party leans somber. For the Mesopotamians to consider it important enough to carve into a tablet, it must have been a “hit”. I’m sure everyone in the region could hum it on command if asked.

But you know there must have been popular favorites that existed long before that song was put into historical record. Bone flutes have been found dating to 35,000 years ago. The human voice of course would have been able to construct melodies farther back than that.

For the sake of discussion, let’s say songwriting began with those flutes, and let’s say a fellow named Thog had one, a gal named Mimf, and a couple other guys named Ump and Bof (it was hard for a woman to get a hold of a good flute bone as the cave patriarchy kept giving them to the men). They were all living in different clans, but in the same general geographical area. More of these flutes were out there, but these four individuals were the standout talents. They didn’t have any set pieces, they generally just improvised around the fire. One night, Ump gazed up at the ceiling of the cave and as he tried to decide whether it was a buffalo or a fat boar painted up there, a certain series of notes came to him. He grabbed his flute and ran outside (he didn’t want to wake everybody up), and figured out how to play this melody, and was delighted with it. He was on cave clean-up duty the next day, so he went back to bed, and laid there humming the first real musical composition ever written by a man to himself as he fell asleep.

The next evening, he debuted it to the clan, and everyone in the cave couldn’t get it out of their heads. They loved it, and started requesting it at every get together. One of these get togethers was the annual all meat potluck they had with the neighboring clan, whose members included Mimf. As always she brought her flute and looked forward to improvising with her flute pal Ump. He taught her the hit tune, and she surprised him by suggesting a counter melody to append to the end, improving this first song by giving it a chorus. She took it home with her, and soon every clan and cave in the known human-populated world was bouncing along to their tune.

The other two of four mentioned flute aficionados, Thog and Bof, were members of a rival tribe, and chafed at the constant requests of Ump and Mimf’s tune (Bof was particularly offended by the lack of skill required to play it). One grueling evening, a child amateur, called Nerp, on a WOODEN flute, received more applause than they, simply because Nerp played the”hit”. Bof grabbed Thog and the 2 of then stalked off to write the song that would knock Ump and Mimf’s off the charts. It did, promoting the Ump and Mimf to volley back a follow up to their first original. And the rest is history!

Change the cast around, add some probable violence, juggle the particulars, and I’ll bet you a wooden flute that’s how the first song EVER came about.